Self Introduction email

Dear Professor Blackstone,

My name is Ronvin Tan and allow me to introduce myself to you. I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma of green building and sustainability. After which, I applied and got enrolled in to Singapore Institute of Technology being a undergraduate in sustainable infrastructure engineering(building services) course. I decided to continue this field of studies after polytechnic as I found an interest towards improvising existing sustainable building as well as to design building that are leaning towards sustainability.

I look forward to attend your course as I believe that I should constantly improve myself in terms of my presentation and communication skills. I would like to share my experience of communication skills I had learned previously. During my final year in polytechnic, I was given the opportunity to organised events and camps. Thus, I was often forced to speak up to the hundred of participants who were involved. However, after numerous camps and events, I got more comfortable with public speaking whenever necessary and I actually enjoyed it.

My weakness
I tend to stutter and use singlish to bring my presentation points across to my audience w. When I do presentations, I often repeat my key pointers and often jumble around when I try to elaborate my point. I have lesser confidence in report and essay writing as compared to public speaking as I feel inferior compared to my peers in terms of english.

Therefore, my goals in effective communication is to learn how to improve my presentations skills on how to be more precise and concise in what I like to bring across to my audience. I would also like to brush up on my report writing skills. I believe that overcoming my own weakness would help me in myself and future career towards a successful public relations.

Thank you.

Yours sincerely,
Ronvin Tan


Edited: 11/9/2017
             13/9/2017

Read and commented:
Poh Shi Lei's blog
Reginald's blog
John's blog
Yu Xiong's blog

Comments

  1. Hi Ronvin,

    Reginald here. Firstly, it is nice to know that you have an open attitude towards learning when it comes to English. I hope my pointers would be useful in your journey towards improving your English as a whole.

    I shall begin with your flaws. You could eliminate certain words, as it brings the same message across, more concisely; e.g. "I am looking forward to attend your course..." to "I look forward to your course..." There are also a few grammatical errors such as; e.g. "speak up my audience" and "or does not have enough time"

    That being said, your self-introduction was really easy to read. Transition between paragraphs were comfortable. The passage flowed fairly seamlessly. The point about using "Singlish" to bring points across better due to the familiarity towards the audience being a bad habit is what we all do, but always brush aside. It is a great point that you highlighted out.

    In conclusion, your passage has a couple of grammatical errors and eliminating some words would make the passage much more concise. It was easy to read with a comfortable pace. I would recommend reading more books to improve sentence structure and try substituting groups of words with one word.

    Thank you.

    Yours Sincerely,
    Reginald Goh

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Ronvin,

    Generally you are very clear and precised in everything that you want to put across to your audience. I can easily distinguish your weaknesses and strengths as well as understand you better because of your clear explanations.

    However, you do have a minor error in your letter. "I am looking forward to attend your course" could be written as "I look forward to attending your course". "

    Overall, I think you did a great job and do hope to see you improve yourself. Do work towards your goal of improving your presentation skills as well as refining your report writing skills. Keep up the good work!

    Cheers,
    Qiu yu xiong

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear Ronvin

    Although we were from the same course during the polytechnic, I feel that I understand more about you through this self-introductory letter. Both of us share a common interest of sustainability of buildings and structure, hope that we can talk more about it when we meet.

    I am glad that you are able to speak up in front of large audience after going through school camps/activities, it is an important communication soft skill that not everyone possesses.

    Your introductory letter is easy to read and your explanations were clear. However, as what Prof Blackstone mentioned during the class, the capitalisation of the diploma course can change to small. Aside from that, the errors are already mentioned by Reginald and Yu Xiong comments.

    I hope that you can achieve the goals that you set out for this module and improve on communication skills!

    Cheers
    Poh Shi Lei


    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Ronvin,

    Great reading your introduction and really like that fact that you are pursuing what you have in mind related to your previous course of study. I agree with Regie that you have to be more concise with your sentence structure to get your message across clearly.

    I am in the same boat as you, to stutter during a presentation. It is normal to stutter, but I'm sure as you familiarize yourself with your surroundings and rehearse often so that it becomes second nature. Sometimes ideas and words just flow much easier when you are confident without the pressure of saying a complete sentence grammatically correct. I am sure as we write and converse more through classes, you will improve your speaking skills.

    Regards,
    Jonathan Gan

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dear Ronvin,

    Thank you for the detailed self intro. You cover all the key topic areas and provide clear concrete detail in your discussion of a strength and weakness. You also tie those points to your goals. It's interesting that you have experience organizing camps, and that your comm skills development has followed from that.

    You also openly discuss some of your communication weaknesses. We will certainly address those in our module.

    As for language use, there are a couple minor issues:

    1) I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma of green building and sustainability. >>> (collocation phrasing) diploma in green building and sustainability
    2) After which, I applied and got enrolled in to Singapore Institute of Technology being a undergraduate in sustainable infrastructure engineering(building services) course. >>> (phrasing/sentence fragment) ?
    3) ...as I found an interest towards improvising existing sustainable building as well as to design building that are leaning towards sustainability. >>> (phrasing)
    4) wrong word form
    -- I look forward to attend ...
    -- to organised
    5) to my audience w. >>> ?
    6) would help me in myself
    7) I believe that overcoming my own weakness would help me in myself and future career towards a successful public relations. >>> ?

    I look forward to working with you this term.

    Brad

    ReplyDelete

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